Creature Comforts

The truth is I love to travel.  The other truth is that I love to be comfortable in my surroundings.  The reality... these things do not always go so smoothly together.  So, where does the focus go?  

Perhaps it moves with fluidity in an ideal world.  But in my world it crashes on the shores abruptly.  In the past few days life has gently landed on my arm in the most delicate of ways and within an hour death has violently made itself present in my mind forever.  

I sit in paradise and yet something is unsettling.  The frustrations are high and easily sparked.  They seem to be magnified by the witnessing of contrasts such as life and death.  The small things, they seem in fact to be very big things.  

I think it can all be summed up into the word homesick.  Not in a way that makes me want to jump on a plane and return, but in a way that creates a deep appreciation for my home.

My family.  The people who received me when I walked in the door with out so much as a hello.  Offering up meals and space to sit and talk, and a sweet loving dog to pet and tease.  That safe haven that most homes are as a child, I think we all turn back into children when we around our parents and family.  

My community in Fort Collins.  The people that built me up and taught me everyday.  The people that I looked forward to interacting with and the faces that smiled back at me with assurance and support.

My friends across the world (Literally)!  The people whose doors I could walk through at any hour.  The people that hugged me because they wanted to and just for the sake of hugging.  The people who told me continually I was going to kick ass at everything I did.  Even if it was the most obscene idea possible, but true believers in who I was with getting things accomplished.  

There is none of that here in Thailand, at least not yet.  Instead there are faces that stare back at you blankly as you try to speak the language, social habits that are very different from the beer drinking bicycle gang costume wearing ruckus I am so used too.  Everything seems difficult some days.  It is hard to find a cup of coffee or directions somewhere.  Thais are relaxed and do not demand the answers and efficiency that my American brain seeks in every situation.  But, I think the most difficult is that all of my comforts are over 13 hours and 9,000 miles away.  making even communication and comfort very difficult.   

The beauty, like life with death and delicacy with violence, is that there is so much space here for all of these things.  Faces will not be strange always and the language will become more familiar.... or they will get used to my butchering of the language at least.  Friends and family will be here, there, and everywhere.  There will be open doors and dogs and food offerings everyday.  It will just take time to create those comforts again.

In the meantime I am getting a lot of practice being with myself and learning to communicate in new ways.  

I had a sudden understanding tonight that I just want some things to be easy once in a while.  

Well.... it is easy for me to get out of bed.  It is easy to get in the ocean.  It is easy to order food.  It is easy to find a 7-11 (they are 3 per street here).  For the life of me I can hardly believe I didn't see it before, focus on what is easy for you everyday!  The rest will either follow suit or drop away.

Have I not been teaching for years that our thoughts define our reality.... maybe I need to take my own class.  :)  Our life is defined by what we think it is, so at any moment we can change.

 

A free pass?

Excuses.  

If we are honest with ourselves these things are our protectors, they are what we use to keep within the boundaries of our comfort zone.

Reflecting on my yoga practice over the years I am faced continually with the decision to heal my injuries. And most often I instead find myself saying "I can't do that, I have a bad shoulder injury". It becomes more obvious each time I practice. To the point where as I even begin to move my tongue to use the excuse I already feel like a cop out.

As the intense awareness of my excuses increases, so does my desire to shut my mouth and do what I know I  need to to change it.

This month, October 2012, is about evaluation. Of what serves us and what does not serve us.

In these days of reflection I have thought about my injuries, my friends, my family and my jobs. In all of these areas I have made mistakes, and I have spent many more days than necessary trying to correct or compensate for those mistakes.

The truth is, I have shed more tears over a few of these mistakes and tried with everything that I have to make it better and somehow I still cry. In a time of reflection I see now I have done my best, my tears do not serve my heart moving forward but letting go of the thoughts and actions does. Sometimes this means releasing things you love to make space for new things. Or maybe it means getting uncomfortable for a while.

The point is that we decide who we are every moment and if we spend a moment unhappy that is our choice. And it can change in a flash. Imagine yourself exactly as you would like to be and you are already there. Through practice it becomes a more permanent state of mind and the release of our definitions seems to come easier.... Or so I think. Mind you, I'm just talking about what I see is ideal and logical at the same time.  

We face these things and we change these things not only for ourselves, but for the world. Thoughts are energy, energy is what we all share. If in doubt research this concept of quantum physics. And if you want to change the world change yourself.

Maybe if each of us decided to drop 1 excuse per day that energy would affect ten other people with the same choice. After all the power is in the people. Dear friends the power is in you and together we can step into whatever it is we want, released from the excuses like "that's just the way I am" and instead lifted to a higher vibration of responsibility saying "I choose to be this way" and when necessary will shift again.....

Definition by ink and paper

Knowledge is power. Wouldn't you say so?  With knowledge we have the ability to critically think about what action/reaction is best in the situations we encounter.  We gain this knowledge through the years of our life.  In social occasions we learn to speak with others.  In classrooms we learn about history and potential.  In the world we learn about experience and "reality".

You see, I have made choices in life not to attend college. My knowledge about college is that why would I start if I wasn't going to go all the way through to a PhD.  And I did not want a 12 year commitment to do what I love.  I also did not want the potential $40k + debt that accompanies this commitment.  So, I found a way to teach with out these pieces of paper.  I found something to teach that has had a direct effect on who I am today.  I have studied thoroughly the mind and the body and explore more of this knowledge everyday, I love yoga and I love exercising the mind.

In the society that I am in now, this is not enough.  Passion does not say that you are smart or an avid student.  A degree does though, a degree says you are a higher class, that you have more to offer.  I have heard rumors as we finish up our TESOL course that my options will most likely be minimal for employment because of my "lacking" education, or that others with a degree should/will earn more money than me because they have a BA.  

I have over 4 years teaching experience.  For those 4 years I have been explaining the body in depth to people who know a lot about it or have zero knowledge of it and its abilities.  Communicating over 1,000 hours in front of a class on how to safely achieve a goal, guiding them and creating connection and trust, building programs and plans, standing by people as they accomplished these goals and being an assistant in their accomplishment.

In Thai culture I hear that experience may not be enough, or it may, depending on the context of what they want in their school.  All for because I do not have a BA, which if it really came down to it I could go buy on Khao San road in Bangkok.  So, how important is it really?

All this rambling leads to a reminder that we often judge a book by it's cover.  With tendencies to define a person by what visible accomplishments they have.  Devastatingly, we forget they have something better than a piece of paper that states their greatness... they have experience and knowledge.  Whether we choose to study in a school or on the street, no one choice trumps the other.  After all it is about using the knowledge and skills we have?

Chances are, I will land a great job because I have teaching experience and experience with kids.  But I get the feeling that the BA will hover over my head for as long as we are here, and because I am stubborn about proving a point I will most likely choose not to follow this path of organized learning and adjust my life accordingly.  Being in that position of street experience I would ask of you, the readers, to consider the impact of your personal regulations on education.