Nothing like a little Gypsy Punk

Just a little taste of some music I love.......  If you have an aversion to rowdy ridiculous and sometimes offensive music or if you would like to continue to think of me as just a calm yoga instructor please do not click on the link below...... You have been warned!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3SUPPeuRdU


Now to get down to business!  I feel like Phuket has just been waiting for us.  Things are falling into place easily, like a click click click snap "There you go, you now have your perfect life!"  Thank me by committing to it says the Universe.  Sometimes I say I will, other time I hesitate.

It looks like I am destined to be a Yoga Teacher...  Which is alright with me!  I like the idea, in fact I love the idea.

You see, 11 years ago I stepped into an un-used room popped in a yoga vhs (Yoga for weight loss ad yes VHS), and 45 minutes later walked out saying I want to do that FOREVER!!!!!!  And now 11 years later I have moved across the world to teach English as a second Language and instead found a job teaching yoga.  Not just any old yoga teaching job, the most incredible one for me.  Some things are destiny.

Things are difficult when you wander the world and explore different realms, but yoga is what makes it easy for me.  I know it, I hear it when I am teaching, I commit to it again and again.  It is my own personal cabana boy.  When I am feeling down it makes me feel sexy.  When I am over the rest of the world and I can listen to my breath and move it reminds me of personal responsibility.  When I want to be alone, it waits for me to come to it.  It gives me strength.

I recently figured out why I teach.....  seriously!  4 years into it and I finally know!  Because here is my philosophy on life, not just yoga:

If you can align your body in your poses you can align your ideals to your life.  If you can engage the muscles to support your poses then you can fully engage in your life and be supported.  If you can release the tension in your muscles and learn to let go then you can let go of all that which no longer serves you.  This list it goes on and on.  It breaks down to everything is everything.


This is also why I like to travel, because I love people, I am fascinated by the cultures, by the differences, by the tendencies..... and people show heir tendencies in everything that they do.  In their posture, their poses, their conversations, their eating habits, their humor...... and all of it is beautiful!

I am so thankful for my opportunities, I am so thankful for the people I know, and I am so thankful for this life.  And for some unknown reason I attribute a lot of it to when I stepped on my yoga mat and plugged in that first VHS.  It is all about awareness I think, and their are many ways to become aware of yourself.

A few pictures to entice the senses! Enjoy!

Creature Comforts

The truth is I love to travel.  The other truth is that I love to be comfortable in my surroundings.  The reality... these things do not always go so smoothly together.  So, where does the focus go?  

Perhaps it moves with fluidity in an ideal world.  But in my world it crashes on the shores abruptly.  In the past few days life has gently landed on my arm in the most delicate of ways and within an hour death has violently made itself present in my mind forever.  

I sit in paradise and yet something is unsettling.  The frustrations are high and easily sparked.  They seem to be magnified by the witnessing of contrasts such as life and death.  The small things, they seem in fact to be very big things.  

I think it can all be summed up into the word homesick.  Not in a way that makes me want to jump on a plane and return, but in a way that creates a deep appreciation for my home.

My family.  The people who received me when I walked in the door with out so much as a hello.  Offering up meals and space to sit and talk, and a sweet loving dog to pet and tease.  That safe haven that most homes are as a child, I think we all turn back into children when we around our parents and family.  

My community in Fort Collins.  The people that built me up and taught me everyday.  The people that I looked forward to interacting with and the faces that smiled back at me with assurance and support.

My friends across the world (Literally)!  The people whose doors I could walk through at any hour.  The people that hugged me because they wanted to and just for the sake of hugging.  The people who told me continually I was going to kick ass at everything I did.  Even if it was the most obscene idea possible, but true believers in who I was with getting things accomplished.  

There is none of that here in Thailand, at least not yet.  Instead there are faces that stare back at you blankly as you try to speak the language, social habits that are very different from the beer drinking bicycle gang costume wearing ruckus I am so used too.  Everything seems difficult some days.  It is hard to find a cup of coffee or directions somewhere.  Thais are relaxed and do not demand the answers and efficiency that my American brain seeks in every situation.  But, I think the most difficult is that all of my comforts are over 13 hours and 9,000 miles away.  making even communication and comfort very difficult.   

The beauty, like life with death and delicacy with violence, is that there is so much space here for all of these things.  Faces will not be strange always and the language will become more familiar.... or they will get used to my butchering of the language at least.  Friends and family will be here, there, and everywhere.  There will be open doors and dogs and food offerings everyday.  It will just take time to create those comforts again.

In the meantime I am getting a lot of practice being with myself and learning to communicate in new ways.  

I had a sudden understanding tonight that I just want some things to be easy once in a while.  

Well.... it is easy for me to get out of bed.  It is easy to get in the ocean.  It is easy to order food.  It is easy to find a 7-11 (they are 3 per street here).  For the life of me I can hardly believe I didn't see it before, focus on what is easy for you everyday!  The rest will either follow suit or drop away.

Have I not been teaching for years that our thoughts define our reality.... maybe I need to take my own class.  :)  Our life is defined by what we think it is, so at any moment we can change.

 

A free pass?

Excuses.  

If we are honest with ourselves these things are our protectors, they are what we use to keep within the boundaries of our comfort zone.

Reflecting on my yoga practice over the years I am faced continually with the decision to heal my injuries. And most often I instead find myself saying "I can't do that, I have a bad shoulder injury". It becomes more obvious each time I practice. To the point where as I even begin to move my tongue to use the excuse I already feel like a cop out.

As the intense awareness of my excuses increases, so does my desire to shut my mouth and do what I know I  need to to change it.

This month, October 2012, is about evaluation. Of what serves us and what does not serve us.

In these days of reflection I have thought about my injuries, my friends, my family and my jobs. In all of these areas I have made mistakes, and I have spent many more days than necessary trying to correct or compensate for those mistakes.

The truth is, I have shed more tears over a few of these mistakes and tried with everything that I have to make it better and somehow I still cry. In a time of reflection I see now I have done my best, my tears do not serve my heart moving forward but letting go of the thoughts and actions does. Sometimes this means releasing things you love to make space for new things. Or maybe it means getting uncomfortable for a while.

The point is that we decide who we are every moment and if we spend a moment unhappy that is our choice. And it can change in a flash. Imagine yourself exactly as you would like to be and you are already there. Through practice it becomes a more permanent state of mind and the release of our definitions seems to come easier.... Or so I think. Mind you, I'm just talking about what I see is ideal and logical at the same time.  

We face these things and we change these things not only for ourselves, but for the world. Thoughts are energy, energy is what we all share. If in doubt research this concept of quantum physics. And if you want to change the world change yourself.

Maybe if each of us decided to drop 1 excuse per day that energy would affect ten other people with the same choice. After all the power is in the people. Dear friends the power is in you and together we can step into whatever it is we want, released from the excuses like "that's just the way I am" and instead lifted to a higher vibration of responsibility saying "I choose to be this way" and when necessary will shift again.....

Definition by ink and paper

Knowledge is power. Wouldn't you say so?  With knowledge we have the ability to critically think about what action/reaction is best in the situations we encounter.  We gain this knowledge through the years of our life.  In social occasions we learn to speak with others.  In classrooms we learn about history and potential.  In the world we learn about experience and "reality".

You see, I have made choices in life not to attend college. My knowledge about college is that why would I start if I wasn't going to go all the way through to a PhD.  And I did not want a 12 year commitment to do what I love.  I also did not want the potential $40k + debt that accompanies this commitment.  So, I found a way to teach with out these pieces of paper.  I found something to teach that has had a direct effect on who I am today.  I have studied thoroughly the mind and the body and explore more of this knowledge everyday, I love yoga and I love exercising the mind.

In the society that I am in now, this is not enough.  Passion does not say that you are smart or an avid student.  A degree does though, a degree says you are a higher class, that you have more to offer.  I have heard rumors as we finish up our TESOL course that my options will most likely be minimal for employment because of my "lacking" education, or that others with a degree should/will earn more money than me because they have a BA.  

I have over 4 years teaching experience.  For those 4 years I have been explaining the body in depth to people who know a lot about it or have zero knowledge of it and its abilities.  Communicating over 1,000 hours in front of a class on how to safely achieve a goal, guiding them and creating connection and trust, building programs and plans, standing by people as they accomplished these goals and being an assistant in their accomplishment.

In Thai culture I hear that experience may not be enough, or it may, depending on the context of what they want in their school.  All for because I do not have a BA, which if it really came down to it I could go buy on Khao San road in Bangkok.  So, how important is it really?

All this rambling leads to a reminder that we often judge a book by it's cover.  With tendencies to define a person by what visible accomplishments they have.  Devastatingly, we forget they have something better than a piece of paper that states their greatness... they have experience and knowledge.  Whether we choose to study in a school or on the street, no one choice trumps the other.  After all it is about using the knowledge and skills we have?

Chances are, I will land a great job because I have teaching experience and experience with kids.  But I get the feeling that the BA will hover over my head for as long as we are here, and because I am stubborn about proving a point I will most likely choose not to follow this path of organized learning and adjust my life accordingly.  Being in that position of street experience I would ask of you, the readers, to consider the impact of your personal regulations on education.

A Train Ride to Hua Hin

Pronounced "wa hin", just in case it matters.

7 days in Bangkok today and we are headed out of town for a vacation, (a vacation from a vacation perhaps).

I am overwhelmed with where to begin as I sit inside the resin with wind blowing my face..... How cliche it all is. Is it that we have been taught these are the moments of reflection or do the elements bring out the reflections?

We moved into our new home right before we hopped a fairy to catch a taxi to get on a train. It's a great place with a couple (American man and Thai woman). We are on the 3rd floor with a big room. The bathroom resides on the 1st floor. Our room has a balcony and big "windows", a bed, a desk, a chair, and a fan. We have nothing to buy except toilet paper a local cell phone two umbrellas and a bandana (it's sweaty here).

It only took us 2 days to find this place, one encounter with a heroin addict, one encounter with upper class hotels, two amazing meals, a total of 12 hours trying to find our way and getting lost.

So back to where do I begin with reflection, please excuse my ADD as a western doctor would say, as I write of this journey.

Let's go over the basics:
15 million people
A tonal language
2 farangs (white people)
Buses, trains, taxis, tuk tuks, saweangs, and mopeds

It looks like a disaster, total chaos. Except it is not, it's incredibly well organized. This culture doesn't seem to take much personally. With a predominant Buddhist influence everyone keeps it together. As the saying goes Mai bpen rai. "So it is".

In the west we drive like its all ours, as if no one else is on the road or has anywhere to be, sometimes dwelling in the fact that some "jerk" cut us off.

I equate this to an ego battle. To us thinking that our destination is more important than those we share the world with.
We tend to not contain ourselves and our emotions as well as Thai people. We appear a bit more eager to throw our personal shit out there in the world.

Now with all that said..... What is the consequence of a behavior that hides what's going on inside?
Corruption at some of the deepest levels.

All in all we have met incredible and helpful people. I am stoked to be here. And we have already made connections with people that share our intentions or similar ones.

I leave you with food for thought, I hope. Next time you are on the road and a car gets in front of you or a light goes red, and you feel frustrated simply Mai bpen rai. It's no big deal. No one is out to get you except yourself :)
A train ride to Hua Hin.... The perfect time to write!

Sa wut de ka!

Not all who wander are lost

I do not travel or refer to my life as a journey of wanderlust because I am search of something. I am not necessarily on a path of self discovery, but more a path of exploration.
We are most certainly not lost creatures; and if we sit with ourselves for long enough we learn this. We learn everyday that it is simply honoring that which resonates with us personally above and beyond what others tell us. As long as we are respectful to those that surround us in our intimate community and across the world, and we are clear on our own perspective of right and wrong and why it is so, then we are acting in truth.

This truth may be manifested in a form of religion or a sort of spirituality or even books and conversation & if that is the case we act respectfully to everyone around us. Steering clear from informing others on how to think and act and rather supporting others from a simple place of love.

In my move to Thailand I have been actively working to not take too much of my American life with me across the world. I want submersion into a different country. In different cultures. My idea is that I operate out of non attachment and instead of acting like I know best, staying open to what's learned in experience.

I've heard much about Buddhism being a daily practice in Thailand, a religion that is all about acceptance of people right where they are rather than where we think they should be.

No one is right or wrong in this world. And we will never know best for anyone else.  Truth may shine through best when we act our beliefs rather than spilling them carelessly over other people.  As I recently read on a local churches sign.... Well done is better than well said.

We are found, always have been and always will be. In this space of being ground within ourselves we do not need to use the words to express ourselves, because our actions will be firm.

Not all who wander are lost and not all who claim to be found truly feel like they are. We go on day by day and we give everyone a chance to be who they are. And maybe peace is born.