If I am not moving, I am uncomfortable.
And everything is everything!
So, what this really comes down to is that I am preparing for my next movement or I am moving. However big or small that may be. A day trip to the mountains or a move across the world.
Currently I am still, I am planning, and waiting. My sister said to me that good things come to those who hustle while they wait. I am still trying to figure out what the hell that actually means so if you can shed any light on that please do!
In this phase of the movement I have receded from much social contact. I am determining the placement of my energy carefully. Noting the pains and joys that will occur on the way and taking them into consideration as I extend myself out there into the world. Selfish in some ways. but, how do you connect fully if you know you will be leaving soon. Or maybe you connect fully because you know you will be leaving soon. I am still exploring all of this.
It started with a romantic idea to move across the world. And the disconnection (we will call it that for now, until I have a better word) began with the physical stuff. Sell a mountain bike, a flute, snowboarding gear, furniture, clothes, jewelry, etc. AND no buying new stuff. Great checklist checked.
Then came the thought of leaving my family and friends.... suddenly it became far more powerful of a decision. I am about to exit this life I know and step into new territory and begin that with one person...
Who the fuck am I going to drink wine and smoke cigarettes with when I am sitting on my front porch feeling fiesty??????
I love the my friends, and I love my family. And to think about the inside jokes and the smart ass remarks, and the tears, and the disagreements not being a part of my daily community is unreal..... biut soon to be real and soon to evolve with a new set of friends.
What I love about wanderlust is that you can constantly re-create yourself with each new person you meet. But what I love about community is the people that know you so well that they do not even have to hear from you to know what is going on in your life. Bittersweet.
So, how do I stay present with those I love, and I mean fully present up until the day I leave? I have no idea.
What I do know is that we could do this everyday in our lives, we could connect as deeply as possible and absorb ourselves in the world that we live in because as cliche as it may sound.... anyone can disappear at any time.
Split between two worlds... to move when it is time and to settle where I am.
The hustle while I wait....
