Something about the space

There is something about having the space in your life to move as you need to that settles the soul.  One year ago I felt restricted, slightly tied down, anxious for the next adventure, and unsure about friendships and relationships in my life.  And now at the end of the year I really feel like I took 2012, kicked its ass into submission and started owning my life.

In leaving Colorado, the home that I have known for 29 years and moving across the world with a man I love in a way that cannot be described

I seem to have answered the questions of uncertainty.  However, to be honest that was not my intention.  You see, regardless of the fact that I have spent my years in my hometown, I am a runner.  When challenged I usually bail ship.

This commitment to leave probably could not have been done with out the unbelievable support of so many people.  And now in the last remaining hours of 2012 I can reflect on the changes and know that I am going into a new year pretty excited.
All the question of friendship that I had prior to my departure have been clearly answered.  Bonds have grown stronger, even those I never expected to even grow.
My relationship with brother has become awesome.
I really appreciate the "parenting" part of my parents now.
I have my sisters, who are dear friends that I speak with regularly.
I have acquired a sister that is like family, she kinda took me by surprise and we have had our moments together but now being so far apart I really delight in the moments I get to share with her.  She is my boyfriends brothers girlfriend and she is spectacular.
I have begun to feel like family to Jeremie's family and appreciate that sense of support.
In addition my family has never been so supportive of my relationship.  All things that were probably there before but really show up when you can no longer take the small things for granted.
When I left Colorado I was ready to take a break from yoga and teaching and step away.  I was tired of the lululemon, the "rules" of yoga, the flowy talk, the injuries, the blame, so on and so forth.  But by leaving I realized that I believe in yoga!

It all seems so much more defined for me, I am not struggling with inspiration or connection in any of these areas.  My heart feels open, to sound quite cliche, but WTF it really does.  And I also recognize that according to murphy's law now that I have written this something is bound to humble me.  Look forward to that post!!!  :)  

I am going in to this next year with a passion to create the person I want to be, with clarity on who I love, what I love, and why I love.  It's all about love!  And, now recognizing I sound like a hippy it is probably time to bring this message to a close.  I hope you all have an incredible new year!  It is not the time change or the new year that matters but the choices that we make to become our best self.

PS.  I really do believe that love is what it takes, no matter how hippy it sounds.

When traveling to foreign land....

I have recently come home from an afternoon at the beach followed by my usual trip to the Thursday market for corn, pineapple, chicken on a stick, and watermelon.  Life is rough here, you can pity my life later, first enjoy this post.

While standing in line with pineapple in hand and watermelon a short distance away from my hungry paw I am patiently waiting to pay when a lovely(?) woman pushes her way in front of me and grabs a pineapple.  I stare in disbelief and slight amusement, as I often do when this situation happens.  I laugh and think "how are you so oblivious?".  But instead of pushing my way through I figure I will see what other antics this woman has in store.  This proved to be a fruitful decision.  No pun intended.

She grabs her pineapple and shoves it at the guy taking money, all while he is clearly involved with another customer.  He gives a glance and smile, she pushes the fruit closer to him and yells, in Russian.  By her gestures and she has told him she "Wants the freaking pineapple now!  And cut it for me would you?"

He calmly finishes up what he is doing and makes a gesture to her about her wanting the stem broken off and she nods.  So he does as indicated puts it in about 3 plastic bags because that is how they roll here in Thailand and hands it back to her.

She then raises her voice yet again and demands more.....  then points at the woman sitting a few feet away carving away at pineapples in this beautiful spiral.  Seriously, it is gorgeous the way that they cut pineapple here, making it perfectly edible.  Anyways.  The woman carving the pineapple is clearly belonging to another sort of business and her pineapples are different.

Naturally the kind Thai guy indicates not the same, by saying, on English "not the same", and then hands her her bag again.

She proceeds by raising her voice another 3 octaves and spewing out even more Russian, which is clearly not  language often used by Thai's and then stands there and stares at him.  Of course I have a grin on my face as I watch her antics in a foreign country.  I then pass him my fruit and tell him I would also like a watermelon, in Thai.  He laughs at my smile and we share a small moment of enjoyment of this woman's distress over her un-cut pineapple.

This obviously makes her more upset as she begins to yell and demand more, not just to the guy but now to the woman cutting the gorgeous pineapples.  Asking, in English, how much it costs to have that done...... 45 baht the woman answers in English, and the pineapple is 30 baht.  At least we have reached a common language here, though broken, communication is happening!.

I can no longer control myself and I laugh hard, which only causes the fruit guy to laugh and smile and then the woman cutting the pineapple to chuckle.  Not a wise move because now the Russian woman is yelling in Russian, and I think she is saying "I want the pineapple and I want it cut so get it for me now".  The more she yells the harder we all laugh.  And even though I have what I want I cannot simply walk away from this amusement.

To top off the whole scenario, while they (her friends have now joined her at the fruit stand), stand there and stare at the pineapple being delicately and lovingly carved they decide to try some random packaged fruit.  Being that I have eaten this "random" fruit before I recognize it as durian, which quite honestly tastes pretty decent if you can get past the smell, of gym socks, that it is well-known for. They tear into it and before they can realize the smell they shove it in their faces, and low and behold it is time for me to walk away because once in their mouth the smell hits them and they begin to pale slightly in shock, then grab their pineapple and walk off briskly.

Still laughing as I walk away we share another moment of enjoyment in the yelling and impossibility of foreigners.

So, I write this post because I think when you travel to any country you should learn a few words of the language rather than just assuming they will speak your native tongue.  Words like "how much", "please", "thank you", "yes", and "no" will suffice.  Gestures are great and do wonders but words will at least let people know you acknowledge you are no longer in YOUR country and you understand that things might not go your way.  In addition, understanding does not come from raising your voice or speaking slower.  It comes from compromise on both parties behalf.

Language is important and equally important is an understanding of the cultural norms wherever you are traveling.  So buy a lonely planet and read it when you travel, or use the wonderful invention of internet to find out such things like when you yell in Thailand you will either be ignored or laughed at.

PS: please do not come to Thailand and strut your beautiful body around half or fully naked on the beach, most Thais swim with their clothes on and the body is exposed with discretion.

Love!

WHO are you?

Long walks on the beach have proved healing these days and offered my wandering mind with some deeper reflections.

Here is my calculation:  365 days of planning and saving and working and pulling together money to pack up all my things and move.  365 days.  365 days.  365 days.  Then 2 months living out of backpacks and bags in search of our new "home".  Then nearly 2 months doing the settle in thing and getting a place to live and transportation and eating food and swimming in the ocean, (rough life I know).

And almost 4 months later BAM!!!!!!  No sleep, a bit anxious, feeling a little frustrated over silly things.  And I start planning, even daydreaming about what going "home" is to look like.  Start planning to work to save to travel to pack up to blah blah blah.......

Now, from my understanding of habits it takes 28 straight days of very conscious living to break a habit and a very short period of time to create that habit.  From this understanding I have concluded that my habit and love of travel has caused me to miss a lot of moments in Phuket already.  Planning to go back Colorado for a visit consumed me almost as soon as we arrived.  I blame being homesick.  I also blame habit of the last year of planning to pack and leave and go somewhere else.  But those are just excuses.

Shit!  That whole idea of presence, you know that yoga thing I teach just caught up with me and smacked me around a bit.  It is always good to be humbled right.

Rewind back to the beach and the walks.  All of the above commentary came after the real-realization.  Which is as follows.  I simply cannot remember the last time I asked myself WHO I want to be in a year, I only remember the years ticking by with the WHERE do I want to be in a year, this usually regarding my work life and my travels / vacations.

Maybe I figured I was so sturdy in myself that I need not consider this.  I think, though, that if you are solid in yourself then you sleep good, your temper is controlled and you take the time to enjoy the moments in your life.  At least this is how I will gauge my self knowledge in the future.

So, who do I want to be?  The answers came right away, I just needed the right questions.  And in those answers was the space needed to commit to a new life and know that at this moment I am not saving, working or planning on any major moves or trips.  I am working instead on building a life here, whether it be for a year or 40.

In retrospect it seemed so simple, and in the moment I felt like I almost lost my breath when the answer came to me.  Where never really matters.  But, WHO, well that makes the difference.  If you don't know who you are then how can you identify with the world around you?