WHO are you?

Long walks on the beach have proved healing these days and offered my wandering mind with some deeper reflections.

Here is my calculation:  365 days of planning and saving and working and pulling together money to pack up all my things and move.  365 days.  365 days.  365 days.  Then 2 months living out of backpacks and bags in search of our new "home".  Then nearly 2 months doing the settle in thing and getting a place to live and transportation and eating food and swimming in the ocean, (rough life I know).

And almost 4 months later BAM!!!!!!  No sleep, a bit anxious, feeling a little frustrated over silly things.  And I start planning, even daydreaming about what going "home" is to look like.  Start planning to work to save to travel to pack up to blah blah blah.......

Now, from my understanding of habits it takes 28 straight days of very conscious living to break a habit and a very short period of time to create that habit.  From this understanding I have concluded that my habit and love of travel has caused me to miss a lot of moments in Phuket already.  Planning to go back Colorado for a visit consumed me almost as soon as we arrived.  I blame being homesick.  I also blame habit of the last year of planning to pack and leave and go somewhere else.  But those are just excuses.

Shit!  That whole idea of presence, you know that yoga thing I teach just caught up with me and smacked me around a bit.  It is always good to be humbled right.

Rewind back to the beach and the walks.  All of the above commentary came after the real-realization.  Which is as follows.  I simply cannot remember the last time I asked myself WHO I want to be in a year, I only remember the years ticking by with the WHERE do I want to be in a year, this usually regarding my work life and my travels / vacations.

Maybe I figured I was so sturdy in myself that I need not consider this.  I think, though, that if you are solid in yourself then you sleep good, your temper is controlled and you take the time to enjoy the moments in your life.  At least this is how I will gauge my self knowledge in the future.

So, who do I want to be?  The answers came right away, I just needed the right questions.  And in those answers was the space needed to commit to a new life and know that at this moment I am not saving, working or planning on any major moves or trips.  I am working instead on building a life here, whether it be for a year or 40.

In retrospect it seemed so simple, and in the moment I felt like I almost lost my breath when the answer came to me.  Where never really matters.  But, WHO, well that makes the difference.  If you don't know who you are then how can you identify with the world around you?