A Train Ride to Hua Hin

Pronounced "wa hin", just in case it matters.

7 days in Bangkok today and we are headed out of town for a vacation, (a vacation from a vacation perhaps).

I am overwhelmed with where to begin as I sit inside the resin with wind blowing my face..... How cliche it all is. Is it that we have been taught these are the moments of reflection or do the elements bring out the reflections?

We moved into our new home right before we hopped a fairy to catch a taxi to get on a train. It's a great place with a couple (American man and Thai woman). We are on the 3rd floor with a big room. The bathroom resides on the 1st floor. Our room has a balcony and big "windows", a bed, a desk, a chair, and a fan. We have nothing to buy except toilet paper a local cell phone two umbrellas and a bandana (it's sweaty here).

It only took us 2 days to find this place, one encounter with a heroin addict, one encounter with upper class hotels, two amazing meals, a total of 12 hours trying to find our way and getting lost.

So back to where do I begin with reflection, please excuse my ADD as a western doctor would say, as I write of this journey.

Let's go over the basics:
15 million people
A tonal language
2 farangs (white people)
Buses, trains, taxis, tuk tuks, saweangs, and mopeds

It looks like a disaster, total chaos. Except it is not, it's incredibly well organized. This culture doesn't seem to take much personally. With a predominant Buddhist influence everyone keeps it together. As the saying goes Mai bpen rai. "So it is".

In the west we drive like its all ours, as if no one else is on the road or has anywhere to be, sometimes dwelling in the fact that some "jerk" cut us off.

I equate this to an ego battle. To us thinking that our destination is more important than those we share the world with.
We tend to not contain ourselves and our emotions as well as Thai people. We appear a bit more eager to throw our personal shit out there in the world.

Now with all that said..... What is the consequence of a behavior that hides what's going on inside?
Corruption at some of the deepest levels.

All in all we have met incredible and helpful people. I am stoked to be here. And we have already made connections with people that share our intentions or similar ones.

I leave you with food for thought, I hope. Next time you are on the road and a car gets in front of you or a light goes red, and you feel frustrated simply Mai bpen rai. It's no big deal. No one is out to get you except yourself :)
A train ride to Hua Hin.... The perfect time to write!

Sa wut de ka!

Not all who wander are lost

I do not travel or refer to my life as a journey of wanderlust because I am search of something. I am not necessarily on a path of self discovery, but more a path of exploration.
We are most certainly not lost creatures; and if we sit with ourselves for long enough we learn this. We learn everyday that it is simply honoring that which resonates with us personally above and beyond what others tell us. As long as we are respectful to those that surround us in our intimate community and across the world, and we are clear on our own perspective of right and wrong and why it is so, then we are acting in truth.

This truth may be manifested in a form of religion or a sort of spirituality or even books and conversation & if that is the case we act respectfully to everyone around us. Steering clear from informing others on how to think and act and rather supporting others from a simple place of love.

In my move to Thailand I have been actively working to not take too much of my American life with me across the world. I want submersion into a different country. In different cultures. My idea is that I operate out of non attachment and instead of acting like I know best, staying open to what's learned in experience.

I've heard much about Buddhism being a daily practice in Thailand, a religion that is all about acceptance of people right where they are rather than where we think they should be.

No one is right or wrong in this world. And we will never know best for anyone else.  Truth may shine through best when we act our beliefs rather than spilling them carelessly over other people.  As I recently read on a local churches sign.... Well done is better than well said.

We are found, always have been and always will be. In this space of being ground within ourselves we do not need to use the words to express ourselves, because our actions will be firm.

Not all who wander are lost and not all who claim to be found truly feel like they are. We go on day by day and we give everyone a chance to be who they are. And maybe peace is born.

You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is The Hour.

        Here are the things that must be considered:

                Where are you living?
                What are you doing?
                What are your relationships?
                Are you in right relation?
                Where is your water?
                Know our garden.
                It is time to speak your Truth.
                Create your community.
                Be good to each other.
                And do not look outside yourself for the leader.

This could be a good time!

There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold on to the shore.
They will feel like they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off toward the middle of
the river,
keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

See who is there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally,   least of all
ourselves!
For the moment we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time of the lonely wolf is over.
Gather yourselves!

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.

All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.


Down stream.  Let go.  Keep your head above water.  Be attentive to who is around you.  

The message is a about flow.  To release our human desire to control the outcome and recognize that everything is fractal.  Patterns will be repeated, things will happen whether we want them too or not.  We in fact are not in control.  Except when it comes to our reactions.  

Everyday I am learning and re-learning that the importance is in letting go.  I am creating tension.  I am building up situations to be something that they are not.  And I am stressed.  Stressed that once I leave I will never see my dog Aspen again, that I may never see my mother and father again, that I will miss my friends and that they will not come to visit, that my car will not sell, and that once in Thailand everything will change........

And it is that change that we are afraid of because it is, in fact, the grey area that we fear.  
In a discussion with a girlfriend today about practicing rolling kayaks and how much fear there was behind the first roll.  The fear of the unknown and the feelings that will come with the unknown.  

So, in this grey space, however long we are there, we find a way to cope.  These days I am enjoying all the beer I can, smoking those amazing rolled cigarettes and swimming in water every chance I get.  I am afraid of this journey.  

Or is that fear really excitement?  Because aren't they the same feeling?  Just with different thoughts attached to them into them?

Simplicity

When you travel everything is amiable.  

An ever moving force that changes every second.  We forget the things back home; not intentionally, but because we are exploring ourselves and our new surroundings.  We have a mission to familiarize with our environment.


It is almost as if nothing matters.  And it is probably best that we forget some things.  After all if we are thinking about what we should be paying attention too in another part of the world then we are not fully present, are we?  Our minds our wandering to things that do not matter because what matters is what is sitting in front of us at that very second. 


Where ever we are in the world we should be content with whats around us.  Being secure enough in our lives that we know we are loved, supported and have everything that we need. 


In 29 years this is one of my most important lessons......  Be secure in who you are, take nothing personal (Thank you Don Miguel Ruiz), and love everyone openly with out the expectation of how they need to love you!

Stretch and Destroy

An idea that has been thrown around over the past couple of months....  do a yoga class and then smash some shit, (cars, tvs, microwaves), you get the idea.  It feels good to smash those things that we do not necessarily need or want in our lives.  And even beyond that it is fun to hear glass shatter!

In terms of wandering... we stretch beyond ourselves, and our comfort zone, and we destroy the things that keep us bound to our beliefs.  We leave our sheltered united states and watch people burn garbage and eat chickens that are running around in the street.  We see religion and culture.  We see women be smothered down to nothing, used, sexed, and abused.  We see children pulled into war at very young ages.  The list goes on and on.  And all of these things challenge us to see a different way of living.  In essence we are forced to question our reality and determine what resonates with the way we want to live our lives.  We define our morals and ethics off of challenges such as these.

In Darwin's theory of evolution there is discussion about the sociological aspects.Essentially questioning purpose to life.  Is there a purpose or is it just all one big accident?  Now, stretch beyond what we know about soul searches and purposeful living.... and instead imagine that this "purpose" idea is all the chitter chatter of the ego in its declaration.  Imagine it screaming "THIS IS WHY I AM HERE.... TO DO MY PURPOSE!'

I have gotten ecclectic reactions to this idea of stretch and destroy yoga.... "How is destroying and smashing things zen"?  Well, how often do you do it?  Do you ever take and ax to a car (one that is meant to be totaled, not one out of revenge or hate)?  Or do you have a bad day or in this case a frustrating practice and go home and pick fights with the ones you love?  This question has always been met with silence....


We do all these things that are "the right thing to do".  Because having a 40 hour a week job where someone tells you what to do is comfortable, it leaves little room for surprise.  We have these control mechanisms that keep us tucked inside our zone.  The place that we operate the best.  It is not proper in our culture to bash in windows and blow things up, but when does proper always matter?

Was it proper for Clinton to get a b;low job under his desk?  Or for Monsanto to take over Agriculture in the shittiest way possible?  No!  So lets destroy what we know about proper and re-define!

The concept of stretching beyond what one thinks is capable, to destroy the routine of our lives...  moving back to this yoga thing.  I want people to get peaceful with there breath, to find some silence in their lives to listen to who THEY are, and then smash the hell out of some junk that controls there lives because it is "unnatural".  Because then you see another way to handle frustration.  And you absolutely cannot have the dark with out the light!  It is impossible.  One has to exist for he other too.

So here it is... stretch beyond yourself, get uncomfortable and see how you respond.  Embrace love and embrace rage!  They are the same thing.... passion.... with different thoughts attached to them.  You can do this.  You can grow!

This world that we are living in has to change because other wise we are all F'ed!  And change only comes when be/come uncomfortable!

Roughin it

I think about the times that I have traveled more comfortably.  Taxis, vacation rentals, buffets, chain bars and restaurants, shopping malls, and so on....

Once a planned vacation suited me.  A trip to Cancun, jet skiing, sitting in the pool at the resort and swimming with dolphins, snorkeling with a guide, and paying obscene amount of money to zip line over the ocean.  It was amazing and beautiful.  But it was America in another country, there was nothing different.  Everyone still spoke English and served the food I was used to.  I ate at Senor Frogs and went to the coolest clubs.  I was comfortable.

My desires have changed.  I crave to be uncomfortable.  To be in a place that I sleep in a tent in a small town, if even in a town.  I want to be forced to learn the language and to get involved with these other countries.  To really see how they live.  To eat at places that look sketchy, to go to where the locals are and to get in a car or on a bike and get into the depth of where I am.  No taxis, no chains, no comforts..... okay maybe a bed that consists of a sleeping pad and some warmth, but even that is negotiable.

What do we do in the world when we travel to places that are exactly like where we came from?  Does it bridge gaps between worlds or further the gap?

There is no right or wrong answer here, it is just a thought to question why we travel and what we want?  To expose ourselves to the world in all of its different lights, climates, foods, languages, rituals, spirits!

I can hardly wait to experience that feeling again.  Even more so than I did last year on a trip to Mexico with my dude.  Though we drove 26 hours into Mexico and slept on the beach for 3 weeks and ate at places that most would cringe at I still had his help with Spanish.  Though I was left on my own every now and again to communicate with someone who just stares as blankly at me as I do them when talking, it helped to have him there.

What it did teach me is that when someone doesn't understand English it doesn't mean that you speak louder and slower to them...  It won't help :)

Movement vs Presence

If I am not moving, I am uncomfortable. 

And everything is everything!

So, what this really comes down to is that I am preparing for my next movement or I am moving.  However big or small that may be.  A day trip to the mountains or a move across the world.  

Currently I am still, I am planning, and waiting.  My sister said to me that good things come to those who hustle while they wait.  I am still trying to figure out what the hell that actually means so if you can shed any light on that please do!

In this phase of the movement I have receded from much social contact.  I am determining the placement of my energy carefully.  Noting the pains and joys that will occur on the way and taking them into consideration as I extend myself out there into the world.  Selfish in some ways.  but, how do you connect fully if you know you will be leaving soon.  Or maybe you connect fully because you know you will be leaving soon.  I am still exploring all of this.  

It started with a romantic idea to move across the world.  And the disconnection (we will call it that for now, until I have a better word) began with the physical stuff.  Sell a mountain bike, a flute, snowboarding gear, furniture, clothes, jewelry, etc.  AND no buying new stuff.  Great checklist checked.  

Then came the thought of leaving my family and friends.... suddenly it became far more powerful of a decision.  I am about to exit this life I know and step into new territory and begin that with one person...  

Who the fuck am I going to drink wine and smoke cigarettes with when I am sitting on my front porch feeling fiesty??????

I love the my friends, and I love my family.  And to think about the inside jokes and the smart ass remarks, and the tears, and the disagreements not being a part of my daily community is unreal..... biut soon to be real and soon to evolve with a new set of friends.

What I love about wanderlust is that you can constantly re-create yourself with each new person you meet.  But what I love about community is the people that know you so well that they do not even have to hear from you to know what is going on in your life.  Bittersweet. 

So, how do I stay present with those I love, and I mean fully present up until the day I leave?  I have no idea.

What I do know is that we could do this everyday in our lives, we could connect as deeply as possible and absorb ourselves in the world that we live in because as cliche as it may sound.... anyone can disappear at any time. 

Split between two worlds... to move when it is time and to settle where I am.  

The hustle while I wait....